


Running through my head

by keycoward



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Flirting, Grimmons, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, chrous, flirtation, no established relationshi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 22:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5682763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keycoward/pseuds/keycoward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something starts to eat at Simmons until it starts effecting the friendship he has with Grif. But he just can't say anything</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running through my head

Simmons thought about a lot of things.  
The sign of intelligence was from brain activity and the ability to solve problems quickly and efficiently. By this logic Simmons would be a genius but also an idiot.

  
He remembered clearly when the pressure of becoming a captain put a strain on Grif, how he acted like Sarge and his mannerisms. It was a stressful time for them all. Losing close friends they had fought many battle together and somehow always survived. Beating Project Freelancer was nothing short of a god damn miracle for him and his group of friends. Especially with only being taught the basics of self defense and nothing really further. They all had to learn how to fight by themselves with no instructor.  
But this came with years of bizarre situations, corrupt government plots, and an insane amount of trauma he didn't think he was capable of getting over.  
But he was able to get over it. Simmons received help from the most unlikely of places.

  
**Grif**

  
Grif didn't help him by giving him drugs to calm him down or any kind of weird sexual relief. He just simply let him _talk_. Tell him all of his problems and offer advice on how to help him through it. Getting it out, off his chest, venting...what ever he and Grif did always helped him. He could let his stress go while they talked.

  
They would sit up on the base with a couple of beers Grif would have smuggled from the kitchen. They would watch the two suns set and three moons rise on Chorus as Simmons would tell him everything. If something had made uneasy or bothered him badly he would talk to Grif and soon, after he felt like it was all out they would start talking about other things. Joke around and laugh made lewd comments and just in general...Make Simmons feel happy.  
But Grif never talked about what bothered him.  
Grif would just sit with him and drink beer and crack jokes and listen to every word Simmons said and not speak a word about what bothered him. For a while Simmons thought it was because nothing did. But Simmons was wrong.

He was smacked in the face by his mistake when Grif snapped that day.  
Yelling at Bitters and swearing up and down that he was a good for nothing dirtbag.  
If Simmons could compare from when Sarge yelled at him and Grif yelled at Simmons, the two scenes would be identical.  
Until Matthews stepped in.  
Matthews stepped in and redirected his captains leader ire at him, knowing it would be him who got yelled at next. Matthews _idolized_ Grif, he even still does, but he was able to stand up to him as well. He stood up to help Bitters, his friend, because he didn't think the crime was worth the verbal abuse by the person he idolized the most. It was obvious that Bitters had already begun paying for it when the toxic snack cake reeked havoc on his insides. Grif yelling at him was truly over kill. But it's what Sarge would have done.

  
But as Simmons looked back on their days in Bloodgulch and even Valhalla, Donut never stepped in to tell Sarge to cut it out. Simmons didn't either. Despite all what they had gone through together. Despite that he gave his organs for Grif to live, dove to the cliff side to stop him from falling... _He never stood up to Sarge._  
When this revelation hit Simmons, he couldn't stop thinking about it. There was nothing he could do to make up for it because Sarge wasn't around Grif much to yell at him anymore. He could talk about this to anyone, how could he? They would all realize how terrible of a person he really was! And the support system he used to get over things like these **_was Grif_**! He had only finally started getting better at showing Grif the affection and romantic attention he always wanted to give. And that it was received and replied with equal enthusiasm. If Simmons said anything...it would all fall apart.  
Simmons began avoiding Grif and over thinking every interaction he had with him. Grif noticed, so did his other friends...and then he began over thinking everything.  
When they decided to have an intervention for him. Simmons heard the whispers when they thought he left the room, he began eavesdropping and learned everything so he could avoid it. They didn't know anything! If they made him talk none of them would want to be his friend anymore. They would kick him out for being a terrible solider and ship him back to earth. If he didn't have the army then what would he have? Nothing! He already burned all those bridges when he left he had nothing to go back to!

On the night of the planned intervention, they called him on the PA system to the war room. But he didn't go. Instead he decided to do an inventory check in the MRE storage bay. Just to make sure no one was sneaking extra helpings. No one was in sight, possibly because people barely came to this end and possible because the war room was on the other side of the base from here. Simmons felt a little more relaxed, even if he was outside of his armor, doing inventory and his gun maintenance would put him a little more at ease. His foot steps were softer compared to when he would his armor, no loud clunking or an echo to follow. Just the soft steps of his boots.  
The red head sighed as he punched in the code, making sure to use someone else's access code rather than his, then they would know where he was and box him in here. He could here the PA system go off for him again but he didn't really care. He checked the amount of take outs and refilled each crate had and then counted each of them, making sure the numbers matched up. They called a few more times, probably using his comm link in his helmet too. It had been a good couple of hours before he was almost finished.  
He was right though, someone had been taking extra portions for themselves out of this bay. He would submit a report to Kimball when he was done and then have a shower and go to bed before Grif was back in their room. Keeping up his routine of avoidance and personal reservation.  
A hand slammed down on the crate beside him and Simmons nearly jumped out of his skin. Grif was leaning against the crate, glaring at him with blazing brown eyes. Simmons didn't have the time to stammer out his name before the hawaiian was moving towards him, not saying a word but just getting closer to him.  
Simmons stumbled back, mumbling excuses as to why he hadn't seen him recently. The other didn't seemed fazed by them and kept looming closer until Simmons back hit the wall and Grif had him backed up to the wall. Thick arms caged him against the wall as he only stared at him wordlessly. Simmons was streaming nonsense that Grif either didn't hear or just simply ignored. The strings of the orange soldiers hoodie dangled between them as silence suffocated them.

  
"Did I do something wrong?" Grif broke his angry silence. His eyes switching from anger to confusion and frustration. Simmons felt his knees buckle and he slid down the wall. His eyes never leaving Grifs.  
This entire time he was absolutely consumed about what Grif would think of him and how the others would view him. He didn't think Grif would get hurt from his actions. He didn't think Grif would be hurt from this. But wasn't that the reason he started avoiding him? Because he thought he had hurt Grif by not stepping in like Matthews did.  
When Grif yelled at Bitters Matthews stepped in lie Simmons should have done a long time ago. And now the man he didn't want to hurt, was standing over him, looking so frustrated he was about to cry. He didn't want this. Simmons didn't want this outcome at all.

  
"You just...Stopped talking to me all of a sudden. What did I do? I'm sorry!" Grif slid down the wall into Simmons lap. He didn't feel as heavy as he used to. Maybe it was from taking off his armor, but Simmons suspected something else. If he really looked at Grif in the dim light he looked different. For once he well groomed, he could smell soap on his skin and his long normally unruly hair was washed and brushed back into a pony tail. His stubble was clipped back to look well groomed. He looked good...except for the dark bags under his eyes.  
He was lighter, which meant he had lost weight, the only way Grif lost weight was if he wasn't eating lie he usually did. If Grif wasn't eating that meant he was very upset. Simmons didn't mean for things to get like this or even go this far!

  
"I....I" The words were choking his throat. The red head just wanted to vomit all of the words he held back out. Grif looked back up at him, with those big brown pleading eyes. Simmons knew that he shouldn't hold anything back anymore. "I thin you'll hate me for it" He said quietly.  
Grif blinked getting more confused as his large hands grasped Simmons shoulders. "What are you talking about? Why would I hate you? What does this have to do with anything!"

  
"Because!...Because...Because I never said anything!" Simmons was crying and choking on his own words. He felt his body trembling as he clenched his eyes shut. Breathing heavily as he struggled for the rest of his words to come out. "I never said anything! I never said anything to stop it!" Grif let go of him and watched in shock as his best friend crumbled into tears and hiccups. Grif tried to calm him down but he was at a loss for words. He rarely saw Simmons this visibly upset and he couldn't think of any words that would calm him down. All he could think of was only to wrap his arms around him and pull him close tightly. Letting Simmons bury his face into his shoulder and cry as hard as he could.

Simmons missed the feeling of the orange soldiers warm bulk and the soft orange hoodie he was wearing smelled like the cologne Grif liked to wear. It felt a little more comforting, coaxing him to wrap his arms around the Hawaiian and slip into a more comfortable position as the cyborg let his frustration out.

  
"Simmons, please tell me what's going on" Grif asked with gentle voice, the one he saved for when they were alone. He heard the red head sniffle and leaned back, his organic eye was red and puffy as the cybernetic one remained almost normal. Grif wiped his tears away as his brown eyes stared up at him, trying to understand what was making him for upset. Simmons sat on his lap in silence for a few moment, sniffling and hiccuping, trying to calm himself down.  
"Do you....Do you remember when Sarge and the others got kidnapped and we got put under a lot of pressure to make new soldiers?" He asked in a rush.  
"Yeah, I freaked out at Bitters and Matthews actually yelled at me. Tucker said it was like watching us back in bloodgulch" Grif spoke as Simmons began to fidget more and more.  
"W-well I mean, our friends always like to joke about that...like it was just like old times" His throat felt tight and he could feel his eye well up again. His chest felt tight and he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Because Sarge used to yell at you all the time, he doesn't yell at you as much anymore because he is usually busy or Wash starts yelling at you for not training or Kimball when you're not on cooking duty. H-How is that going by the way? The food has been better the past few weeks so I imagine its because of you being in there-"  
"Simmons, you're rambling"  
"Well I...Matthews stepped in, told you to cut it out and then you called him Simmons but...but I never said anything" He slid his arms from Grif and wiggled off his lap, scooting himself to the nearest crate.  
"I'm pretty sure you were under a lot of stress too Simmons, you were shocked that I was even-"  
" _I'm not talking about that time!_ I'm talking about every single time Sarge yelled at _you_ for no reason. When he would assign insane punishments that were even close to guideline punishment standards. When he would shoot at you and throw stuff at you and scream at you until his voice was raw. When he made a song about killing you and refused to help you whenever you were in trouble. I never did anything! I never said anything! I let him make you feel like you were dirt and shit beneath his shoes when you weren't at all! I-I...I failed at being your friend in every single way it's supposed to count. Instead I would just agree with him and never say anything even when I wanted to!" Simmons yelled, tears of pent of frustration slid down his cheek.

  
"Simmons..." Grif reached his hand for him, hesitating for a second before he made up his mind and grabbed Simmons arm and pulled him close once again. Keeping the cyborg against him despite his struggling. "Simmons I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. When I got ran over by a tank it was you who convinced Sarge to give you the cyborg enhancements and to put your organs in me. It was you who ran after me when I was getting dragged off a cliff. If you hadn't caught me for those brief seconds I wouldn't have been able to get it together and lodge the grifshot in time. Simmons you have been there for me a lot more than you know." The red head finally stopped struggling.  
_"How?"_ He croaked out.  
"Well, when you need to get something off your chest, we go up on the roof and talk until its like one in the morning. Look I don't....I don't like talking about my feelings or whats on my mind. I can handle all of Sarge's bullshit. But when I'm up there with you, and it's just the two of us...It just helps okay. It helps hearing your voice." He stroked the others back until he crying finally stopped.  
"I still don't understand but....But thank you Grif, thank you so much" Simmons wrapped his arms around him and squeezed weakly. Drowning himself in the scent of Grif's cologne and his warmth for a while.  
"You new surgery scars have healed up nicely, I guess I can't dis Doctor Greys work anymore." Grif joked. He heard a snortle from Simmons, he had succeeded in making smile.  
"Yours took a while to go away. But your face looks better now...less scar tissue"

The decided it was best to go back to their room rather than sit on the floor or the inventory room. Simmons insisted on finishing up his count, he only had one more crate to go after all. But after he said two or three more times, Grif took actions into his own hands and began dragging him out again.  
As they walked down the hall Grif tapped Simmons on the shoulder and motioned the taller one to lean over.  
As he did Grif planted a soft kiss on him. Running tan hands through his hair before breaking apart from the kiss. A grin plastered over both of their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> God I haven't written anything in a while. I feel proud of this one....vaguely. I had this plot bunny in my head for a while ad decided to finally get it out of my head.  
> Please leave a review! <3


End file.
